writers block

Do I suffer from writer’s block?

by 2clouds

I am legitimately asking myself this question. I’ve not done any creative writing since the outbreak of the pandemic. Not the kind I want to do anyway.

No ideas. No drive.

There seems to be a distinct lack of will or desire to sit down and wrack my brain for words that might conceivably end up becoming a story. Indeed, whilst I have had plenty of ideas in the past, nothing has excited me for a long time.

The pandemic, the lockdowns, isolation, the money worries – they all played their part, of course. None of it helped to motivate me to write creatively.

Yet, I still write. I try to post here (though we have seen that lately, I have not been as consistent as I wanted to be), and I also journal (also not exactly frequently).

Plus, there is my freelance writing, which helps pay the bills.

Maybe I am suffering from a creative block?

I know it isn’t so much the work of sitting down and putting words on paper. The problem is a lack of ideas. Or more specifically that nothing I come up with truly excites me.

I always jot down ideas. And never pursue them.

It’s not a lack of wanting to write, though. When I read Neil Gaiman, I want to write. Same for other writers I truly enjoy. They make me want to write. But what do I write when nothing comes to mind?

Putting one word after another isn’t going to cut it if they don’t make a coherent whole.

Let me digress for a moment. Lately, I have spent hours watching YouTube videos, but it turns out that I haven’t been doing so just randomly. I have been seeking inspiration and solutions. I watch the content I enjoy. And I have realized that seeking out creators whose content I enjoy is a manner of seeking out what seems to work. I want to figure out why it works.

Why do these creators appeal to me? What is it about their content that speaks to me? If I gave you a playlist of everyone whose content I watched lately, you’d find a surprisingly common theme in style, manner, and topics.

So, today I sat and pondered what everyone whose content I’ve been enjoying lately has in common and why they appeal to me. It is quite striking when you become aware of it.

Whilst it hasn’t quite cured my creative block, I am at least here now to post this. And it has got me thinking about my blog as well.

But more on that tomorrow. I still need to do more thinking.

When it matters

by 2clouds

I doubt myself a lot. We all do, I suppose. Unless you’re of the rare breed of people who have a ton of unearned confidence.

I mostly doubt my writing. Especially when it matters; anytime I have to prove I can write.

I’m afraid I won’t have any good ideas. Or my writing will sound contrived. Too idiosyncratic. Or I’m not capturing the voice the client is looking for.

There are dozens of reasons in which my writing could be found wanting. I choke. I end up feeling paralyzed, wondering how I ever managed to put a single word down. How I will ever manage again.

My head empties of all words and ideas.

It is quite awful. Though I wouldn’t necessarily call it writer’s block. I still want to write, and I still know how to. It’s just that this doubt becomes overpowering just for a minute or two.

Then I pull myself together. I remember what is at stake and I get to work. If a client isn’t satisfied, they will either give me pointers to allow me to adapt my work accordingly, or we part ways.

At the end of the day, I can only improve. All writing I do is a learning experience. This is also true for every article I publish here. Sometimes I feel as if I am just rambling incoherently. I certainly hope that’s not the case and I do proof-read my articles before I publish them. At least, to catch any typos and make sure that there is some sort of structure or thought one can follow.

When it comes to freelance writing, I often get guidelines to follow, which I simply must stick to and do my best.

Right now, I must find new writing gigs as my current client is still not providing new assignments. I have to make ends meet next month and beyond. So, I will have to bite the bullet and submit writing examples to be judged accordingly.

I know I can work something out. I may doubt myself in some ways (as we all do), but I have never doubted my capacity to keep going. In German, we have the word ‘Urvertrauen’, which is basically a deep-seated faith that there is a way. I have always had a lot of that.

I know I can trust in my abilities. Any writer is critical of their writing. Any poet, painter, artist of any kind is their own worst critic. I know there is plenty of room to learn and improve as well. But I’ve been doing this for eight years, sometimes even full-time.

I can do this. I will do this. I must.

How’s this for a pep talk, ey?