creative writing

Pushing forward

by 2clouds

When I hit a wall (a mental one) I sometimes feel like banging my head against it, sliding down to the floor, and just sitting there for a while. Yes, that is the image I have in my mind.

I’m not about to give up, mind you. I am taking a break, gathering my strength, and taking the time to examine what is keeping me from continuing or why that wall is there, to begin with.

Lately, this wall has kept me from posting here. But as I mentioned yesterday, for far longer it has kept me from pursuing my creative writing.

I think one of the problems is a lack of focus. I have my job, my freelance work, my life outside of work, a desire to finally write that story (whichever it will eventually turn out to be), and to also work on this blog.

I can’t do it all at once without making sacrifices. The easiest sacrifice in my case has been to put aside my creative pursuits. In fairness, I do consider this blog a part of my creative pursuits and it is also intended to become a platform for my more creative writing instead of just musings on whatever or a place where I will eventually also write more about traveling.

In a way, this blog is currently my creative outlet whilst I am hoping to eventually get the juices flowing on novel writing.

But when I am mentally exhausted, I also end up not writing here either. And that’s when I start feeling guilty, which is idiotic. I do need breaks. We all do. I can’t feel guilty for putting something on hold whilst I gather my strength to continue pushing forward.

The wall I hit didn’t just appear out of nowhere. A part of me built it brick by brick, eventually stopping me in my tracks.

I put up the wall in an effort to stop myself. We all have our coping mechanisms. I rather not have a wall there to begin with. So, why is it there?

Because my life has become unbalanced. My job can be quite demanding and eat up much more time than the part-time hours my contract includes. Whilst I get overtime, I also become exhausted because this isn’t exactly what I want.

I have my assignments from clients to complete as well. Eventually, I am too tired to work on anything else I care about, don’t make time for my friends either, and end up on my sofa wanting the world to go away.

Since Easter, work has eased up somewhat and I have enjoyed more time with my friends and taking a bit of a mental health break from everything. Balance feels restored once more, which is also why I am back here posting.

And not just that, but also thinking of how I can improve this blog to become what I want it to be. I’m planning on re-working the current design.

As I mentioned yesterday, I have been watching content on YouTube from the same group of creators and eventually ended up wondering why I am so attracted to what they are doing. It’s not just about the insights they are sharing but also about their style. All of them are minimalists in some way and/or passionate about their topics.

I called this blog ‘Story of my life for a reason, and I need it to reflect that in a way that it currently isn’t. And that means I have to put in the work.

I appreciate every one of you who continues to check in here with me. I will be honest, I do want this to be a passion project where I don’t just ramble about myself. I want to share things that are of value. I want this place to grow.

Let’s see where the journey goes as I keep pushing ahead.

Do I suffer from writer’s block?

by 2clouds

I am legitimately asking myself this question. I’ve not done any creative writing since the outbreak of the pandemic. Not the kind I want to do anyway.

No ideas. No drive.

There seems to be a distinct lack of will or desire to sit down and wrack my brain for words that might conceivably end up becoming a story. Indeed, whilst I have had plenty of ideas in the past, nothing has excited me for a long time.

The pandemic, the lockdowns, isolation, the money worries – they all played their part, of course. None of it helped to motivate me to write creatively.

Yet, I still write. I try to post here (though we have seen that lately, I have not been as consistent as I wanted to be), and I also journal (also not exactly frequently).

Plus, there is my freelance writing, which helps pay the bills.

Maybe I am suffering from a creative block?

I know it isn’t so much the work of sitting down and putting words on paper. The problem is a lack of ideas. Or more specifically that nothing I come up with truly excites me.

I always jot down ideas. And never pursue them.

It’s not a lack of wanting to write, though. When I read Neil Gaiman, I want to write. Same for other writers I truly enjoy. They make me want to write. But what do I write when nothing comes to mind?

Putting one word after another isn’t going to cut it if they don’t make a coherent whole.

Let me digress for a moment. Lately, I have spent hours watching YouTube videos, but it turns out that I haven’t been doing so just randomly. I have been seeking inspiration and solutions. I watch the content I enjoy. And I have realized that seeking out creators whose content I enjoy is a manner of seeking out what seems to work. I want to figure out why it works.

Why do these creators appeal to me? What is it about their content that speaks to me? If I gave you a playlist of everyone whose content I watched lately, you’d find a surprisingly common theme in style, manner, and topics.

So, today I sat and pondered what everyone whose content I’ve been enjoying lately has in common and why they appeal to me. It is quite striking when you become aware of it.

Whilst it hasn’t quite cured my creative block, I am at least here now to post this. And it has got me thinking about my blog as well.

But more on that tomorrow. I still need to do more thinking.